How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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