Three words: puerto rican gang bang
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
