I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
