I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
