Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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