Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
