youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
