I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
i think i just lost a toe
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
