Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
