Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
