Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
