sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
