I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
