That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
