dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
