My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
