You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
