Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
