OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
