is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
