You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
