I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
These tits shall not be calmed
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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