he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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