Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
How external is "for external use only"?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
