He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
