I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
