Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
