Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
