I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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