i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
