life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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