i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
