Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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