have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
