I got chris browned last night
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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