yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
