If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
