Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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