his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
