im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
