do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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