I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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