There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
