There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
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