If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Randomize
