So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
