you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
