I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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