OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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