so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
