i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
