Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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