I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
