My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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