i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
