Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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