How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
